


Dear Diana Cavendish

by Lets_commit_toaster_bath



Category: Little Witch Academia
Genre: Anxiety Disorder, Depression, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-25
Updated: 2019-07-25
Packaged: 2020-07-19 19:55:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,564
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19979623
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lets_commit_toaster_bath/pseuds/Lets_commit_toaster_bath
Summary: Amanda O'neill is deadHer already rocky family is in ruins, the only thing they have left is a note that she wroteExcept Amanda didn't write itDiana did





	Dear Diana Cavendish

**Author's Note:**

> Oof Dear Evan Hansen au no one asked for
> 
> Going to leave a big trigger warning for suicide, depression and anxiety. That is a huge part of the story so if you're not comfortable with that I recommend you do not read this.
> 
> My Tumblr lets-commit-toaster-bath
> 
> My insta: diakkotwitterau

**_Dear Diana Cavendish,_ **

That was how all of Diana's letters start, first was the  _ Dear  _ part because, how else are you supposed to start a letter? Next came the person you're writing it too, in Diana's case, it was too herself, after the greeting comes the meat of the letter and Diana's first line was always the same

**_Today is going to be a good day and here's why._ **

Positive outlook yields positive experience. That was the basic concept of the letter writing assignment

Diana was hesitant and tried to get out of it. "I don't think a letter to myself would really help, I don't even know what to say" she would say, but of course, her therapist would just perk up and lean towards Diana and say "that's the point of the exercise you don't have to know, this you a chance to explore"

In Diana's completely honest opinion, therapy sometimes seems like total bullshit, or maybe the problem was she could never get herself to buy into it

Either way Diana ended up taking his advice, but after the first line, it went downhill from there. You see the first line was just the opening statement, now she had to prove why it was going to be a good day, even though the evidence suggests otherwise, were any of staying is past days good? No, not by a long shot. So why would this day be any different? What this exercise really did was exercised Diana's imagination, it took every ounce of her brain to come up what's the perfect pep talk for herself

**_Because today all you have to do is be yourself. But like, confident to that's very important. And easy to talk to and approachable. Don't hide either, reveal yourself to others, not in a pervy way, just, be the true you_ **

Diana cringed internally,  _ the true me? What the hell does that even mean? _ She thought, but as Diana's therapist had said it was all about exploring, explore the "true" Diana, hopefully this "true" Diana had a better life. Maybe she was better at people, And less timid, for example, the "true" Diana would have never passed up the opportunity to say hello to Akko Kagari after her performance at the jazz concert last year, she would never spent all that time deciding which words best described the performance but wouldn't make her come off as creepy and after deciding on  _ very good _ , would end up chickening out and not talking to her at all because she was afraid her hands were sweaty even though after all that guitar playing it was probably Akko's hands that was sweaty, and even then she probably wouldn't even demand a handshake, And her hands only got sweaty after Diana thought about it so if anything  _ she  _ made them sweat.

No the "true" Diana Cavendish wasn't so profoundly sad

Diana sighed as she looked down at her hands which of course were sweaty, which means that now the keyboard on her laptop was sweaty not only that, now sweat would end up sitting under her cast make it smell, and it was a smell Diana didn't want anyone at school to catch even a whiff of, especially on the first day of her senior year

Deep breath

Diana reached to her drawer and pulled out a small bottle of pills, she already had her Lexapro but her doctor said it was ok to take an Ativan if things got to overwhelming

"You didn't eat last night did you?"

Diana looked behind her to see her mother, standing at the door in her nurses uniform holding a 20 dollar bill between her fingers. Diana shoved her laptop under her pillow "I wasn't hungry" her mother sighed "sweetie you have to eat when I'm not home, you don't even have to talk to people anymore, you can do it all online" 

In reality that wasn't true, yes you can order online, but then you had to talk to the delivery person when they come to the door, you have to stand there while they make change and they always pretend they don't have enough singles so you have to on the spot if you're gonna tip less or more, if you tip less you're an asshole, if you tip more you're broke.

"Sorry.."

"Don't be sorry. It's just, this is supposed to be what you're working on with the therapist. Talking to people. Engaging. Not avoiding" Diana sighed, she heard that all the time she didn't need for it to repeated, Her mom walked around the room her arms folded as if the answer on how to fix her daughter was around somewhere. Diana slid off the bed and pulled her sneakers on. "Speaking of therapy" her mom finally spoke "you have an appointment this afternoon" "what? But I don't see him till next week" "I know but" the older women looked down at the 20 "I thought maybe you could use something a little sooner" she said.  _ 'all because I skipped dinner for one night?'  _ Diana sighed, maybe it wasn't just the 20, maybe she was checking off some extra worrisome boxes in her mother's mind, Diana stood and checked herself in the mirror. Everything seemed to be in order, Shirt buttons are lined up, hair was nice and combed, she even took a shower last night. She hasn't taken many showers because it was such a pain to cover her cast, it wasn't like she got dirty anyway, ever since the break she just stayed inside her room all day, besides it wasn't like anyone at school would be paying attention to her anyway. Diana looks back in the mirror and noticed something, she was biting her nails, she's been bitting them this whole time. Telling the truth she hated the idea of going back to school, after the calm safe isolation of Summer, returning to school with a big slap in the face and was total sensory overload. Watching friends reunite, cliques forming, people bending over laughing at what seemed like the funniest joke in the world, Diana was familiar with that so it was simple to navigate through it, it was the stuff she couldn't predict that concerned her. She could barely handle herself last year, and now it was so much newness to absorb. So much change. And everyone Marches on like nothing's different, but from Diana's point of view every year was like starting from zero. Her mom's reflection was in the mirror as well, she put a hand on Diana's shoulder, in her scrubs she looked more like a forensic scientist then a nurse, a very tired Forensic Scientist. She had Diana fresh out of college making her a "young mom" but Diana wasn't sure if that term still applied "didn't your map have pins on it?" Her mother's voice interrupted Diana's thoughts, Diana looked at the map on her wall, She had gotten a job at a state park and there she got the idea to hike around the best trails in the country, she had pins in all the ones she wanted to go, but once the summer ended she took them all down "I thought I'd focus on them one at a time" Diana finally spoke, her mom nodded in response "I'll pick you up right after school and take you to your appointment, you've been writing those letters to yourself right?" As she spoke she tucked a strand of hair away from Diana's face "I started one today" Diana looked at the ground "that's good, those letters are important, they're gonna help you build your confidence. I don't want another year of you sitting at home alone on your computer" She spotted something on Diana's desk as she spoke"hey I know!" She pulled a sharpie out of the cup Diana had on her desk "how about you asked the other kids to sign your cast, a perfect way to break the ice!" Diana's mom smiled hopefully and Diana couldn't bring herself to decline. Even if it sounded like a horrible idea to Diana, Diana took the sharpie out of her mom's hand " I'm proud of you already Diana" "oh good.." and with that her mother left the room  _ I'm proud of you _ those words kept lingering in her mind, how could anyone be proud of her, if anything her mom was just stuck with her. 

Diana re opened her computer and read what was written so far

**_Dear Diana Cavendish_ **

These letters had the opposite effect over the intended to do, they're supposed to make Diana see the light at the end of the tunnel, make her glass half full.but all they did was remind her that she wasn't like everyone else, no one else got assignments from their therapist, no one else even _ had _ a therapist, no one ate pills as if they were candy, they didn't shift, fidget or avoid eye contact when someone came to close or tried to talk to them. And above all they most definitely didn't make their mothers eye's well up with tears when they're just sitting there doing nothing

**_Today is going to be a good day and here's why_ **

Maybe if she just sat in her room, then maybe that would come true.

**_Just be yourself_ **

Why would anyone want that? 


End file.
